


Her Choice

by AntalyaLace



Category: Dragon Age
Genre: Alternate Universe, Body Image, F/M, Fluffy Moments, Kink Meme, Loss of Virginity, Mild Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-05
Updated: 2012-05-05
Packaged: 2017-11-04 21:30:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/398398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AntalyaLace/pseuds/AntalyaLace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When coming of age in a tower where mages are expected to serve the templars sexually, Solona must choose the course her life will take.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Solona

**Author's Note:**

> Written for this Prompt: F!Amell comes to the tower as a child and discovers the mages there cater to the templers. Basically its a giant brothel for the templers. Once the mages come of age, they are fair game. Mages can pick a "protector" or just be around for pleasure. They get treated well. The mages however can choose not to participate, but then get the bare necessities to survive. Amell is scared because she doesn't want this to be her life. Cullen of course is in love with her. 
> 
> Warning: There are some graphic sexual images in the first part such as bondage, threesome, etc. Because they are brief and not involving either Solona or Cullen, I didn't tag for them. 
> 
> Since by the very nature of the prompt this story is AU, I have taken some liberties with not only characters but also the tower itself.

Solona wasn't sure exactly why she had been called to the first enchanter's office. She was just glad she wasn't the only one. She trailed behind Tanith and Daire as if she could escape notice. First Enchanter Irving had always been kind to her, but Solona was usually too overawed to speak whenever she was around him.

As the three of them waited outside the office, she listened with half an ear to Tanith and Daire chatter. The other two apprentices were full of ideas as to why they had been summoned, anything from a special new course of study to them being in trouble for some mischief.

Daire looked at Solona and laughed at that idea. "Please, Amell in trouble? You've got to be kidding."

Solona's face reddened as Tanith joined in with Daire's laughter. She didn't waste her time longing for things she would never have. All Solona wanted was to be able to keep up her studies and once she was a full mage to be given permission to do her own research. She believed in the Maker and Andraste with all her heart and Solona chose to abide by the Chantry's rules that were supposed to govern their lives without protest or complaint. She didn't even really mind the templars. They were just always there; her silent guardians. Some of the other apprentices loved to poke fun at her because of her acceptance, but it just wasn't in Solona to be a rebel. She was saved from further teasing by the door to the office opening. 

"Ah, yes, here you are." It was the first enchanter himself. "Please come in."

The three apprentices looked at each other and then filed into the office. There were three chairs set up in front of the desk. The first enchanter shut the door behind them, gestured towards the chairs, and then crossed the room to sit behind his desk.

Solona waited for Tanith and Daire to take a seat, and she took the empty chair on the end beside Tanith, sitting down, and then giving the first enchanter her attention.

First Enchanter Irving propped his elbows on the desk, clasped his hands together, and laid them on the desk in front of him. "I'm sure you are wondering why you were summoned here."

Three heads nodded in unison.

"You three are the next apprentices who will be going through the Harrowing. As such, there are some things you need to know." The first enchanter paused.

Solona timidly raised her hand.

"You don't have to raise your hand. What did you want to ask, Solona?"

"Shouldn't Jowan be here in that case?"

The first enchanter seemed to freeze for a moment before he replied. "Let's not worry about Jowan right now." He continued on almost as if he didn't want to answer her. "Once you pass your Harrowing, you each will have a decision to make. Have any of you heard any rumors about what happens afterwards, specifically between templars and mages?"

Tanith and Daire exchanged a long look. Solona was just confused. She had no idea what the first enchanter was talking about. Templars watched them to make sure they didn't turn into abominations and protected them from the outside world. What else could there be?

Tanith said rather hesitantly, "There have been stories about templars demanding _special attention,_ but I assumed it was just gossip." 

"No, not gossip," the first enchanter said. "There is some truth to those stories."

Daire and Tanith again exchanged a look while Solona felt distinctly lost. What was the first enchanter talking about?

"Let me explain a few things of which you might be unaware. The templars have almost complete control of what occurs in the tower. I do have some small amount of influence with the knight-commander, but I must pick my battles carefully. Isolating young men and women on an island in the middle of a lake without adequate means to satiate their physical desires has consequences. Before a way was found to relieve those pressures, there were a lot of abuses that occurred, and eventually even those in power realized something had to be done. About one hundred years ago, a practice of service was begun, and clearly defined rules were established to benefit both mages and templars alike. These rules help protect all who live in the tower. They have been established in such a way that those who haven't undergone the Harrowing are the most protected."

"You can say what you mean, First Enchanter. You've obviously called us here to tell us something, so just go ahead and do it," Daire said. "We aren't children. We can take the truth."

Solona looked at him in shock, amazed Daire would speak to the first enchanter that way.

He didn't seem to mind, though. "You are exactly right, Daire. You aren't children anymore and that is why you are here. Very well, I spoke of a decision you each must make. Your first choice is to live on this floor with the other harrowed mages. You have access to the library, the dining hall, and the other areas on the bottom floors. Of course, the templars are still present to watch as is their function. You will be expected to abide within the decrees the Chantry sets, but otherwise are generally free to conduct your life as you see fit."

"I hear a 'but' coming." Again, Solona was surprised at the lack of respect Daire showed the first enchanter. 

"Just so, young man. There is a price for this freedom. You will also be expected to spend a certain number of hours a week on the floor above this one. How many depends on how popular you are with the templars. While 'on duty,' you are expected to satisfy any templar who seeks service."

Solona felt her heart drop into her stomach. She wasn't sexually experienced, but Solona had no trouble understanding exactly what the first enchanter was talking about. She glanced at Tanith and was slightly sickened at the way the other apprentice's breath had speeded up. Tanith leaned forward towards the first enchanter and licked her lips as if she couldn't wait for this to happen to her. Solona reached up and pushed the glasses back up on her nose so they rested against her face once again before lacing her fingers together in her lap. 

"You spoke of a choice, First Enchanter," Solona said. "What's the other option?" She was quite pleased that her voice, though soft, was controlled with no tremor evident. 

"For those who prefer not to service the templars, you may live on the top floor of the tower. It's not heated or cooled as are the rest of the levels, and food is only sent up once a day. Sanitation is most basic, but the knight-commander has decreed that those who live there must have a bath twice a month."

Solona's first instinct was complete denial. She loved her daily baths too much to ever give them up. 

"In order to help you make your decision, I shall show you both your options. If you would follow me, please." The first enchanter rose from his desk. Solona quickly jumped to her feet with the other two apprentices following her more slowly. When he walked past her to the door, she obediently fell in behind him. He exited his office and turned right, heading towards the door to the stairwell that led to the next floor. Solona had never been up them before. The door to the stairs was always guarded, and apprentices weren't allowed any higher in the tower. Now, she knew why.

The first enchanter spoke a few words to the templar on duty, and he opened the door for them. Solona felt a blush rise from her neck at the avid expression in the templar's eyes as they peered at her out of his helm. She hurriedly averted her gaze and started up the steps after the first enchanter. 

Solona followed him up and then through the door at the top of the steps. She stopped suddenly as she could hardly believe her eyes. The large open area was set up as a sort of gathering area, but like none Solona had ever seen before. There were low divans along the walls and couches and chairs set up throughout the room. Paintings on the walls and statues in the room depicted naked figures in lewd poses and positions. Soft mage lights seated on various small tables provided soft illumination while smoke from incense burners wafted through the wide open area. Underneath the slightly cloying odor of the incense, there was a musky smell still evident. It reminded Solona of the time she had caught Merle and Oswin in the supply closet together. They had both been in the midst of dressing, but Solona had realized exactly what they had been up to. The same scent that had filled the air of that enclosed space could be detected here. 

"Come along," the first enchanter said to her as Daire and Tanith both passed her, looking around with interest. 

Solona obediently moved farther into the room, and it was then she saw that it wasn't empty. At one grouping of furniture, there were two male figures relaxing in chairs. At the foot of one, another male knelt clad only in a small, see-through robe. Solona blushed as there was nothing left to the imagination, and she realized she recognized the kneeling man. It was Douglas, a mage Solona hadn't really known that well as he had gone through his Harrowing several years ago. Douglas was obviously aroused. His eyes were closed, and there was a tension in his body as he held himself still. The templar in the chair was petting Douglas' hair. The templar looked up at them and smiled a small smile.

"Touch yourself for me, mage," he said, without taking his eyes off them as they approached.

Without hesitation, Douglas pushed the robe out of his way, grasped himself, and then began to stroke slowly up and down his shaft. 

Solona looked away in embarrassment. She found the flagrant behavior of the templar disturbing. He made no effort to disguise his control of the mage who knelt at his feet and in fact seemed only too willing to flaunt that power. Her eyes happened to fall on the other templar and the mage he was toying with. She was distressed when she realized it was Neria Surana, who had gone through her Harrowing just six months ago. Neria was draped across the templar's lap with her head thrown back against his chest as she swung her hips from one side to another grinding herself across his pelvis. The robe she wore was open and dangled down her arms to expose the entire front of her body. The templar's eyes lit on them as they drew closer. His fingers, which had been squeezing Neria's nipple, ran down her torso and dived between her widely splayed legs. Solona saw a flush come to Neria's face and she looked away from them as her breathing grew heavier and a small moan left her lips, but she never stopped moving against the templar or changed her position.

"So, First Enchanter," said the templar with Neria on his lap, "are you bringing us some new playmates?"

"Not today, Ser Elliot. They are still apprentices and under protection as they have yet to endure their Harrowings although I expect it will be soon."

The other templar rose to his feet and circled the group, looking at the three of them as if he was assessing meat in a marketplace.

"Yum, this one is scrumptious," he said with his eyes on Daire, who boldly met his gaze. He looked at Tanith next. "I know several of our brothers who will be interested in this pretty thing." He turned to Solona, and her eyes dropped to the floor as she waited for what he would say about her. "Hm, a little on the heavy side, don't you think?" It was obvious he was talking to the other templar and not them.

Ser Elliot brought the hand that wasn't between Neria's legs up to rub at his face. "If she rides enough cock, she'll lose a few pounds."

Solona was mortified that the templars were discussing her as if she couldn't hear every word they were saying. She felt the prick of tears and wanted to lash out at the men who had just insulted her, but most of all she wanted to creep away in shame. She didn't think she was fat, but she certainly had heard enough taunts from some of the other apprentices the past few years. Solona preferred to think she was just big boned. To be fair, _perhaps,_ she carried extra flesh around her hips and belly, but she never could turn down the pastries the tower cooks provided. 

The first enchanter spoke again. "Come along, now. We must continue on."

The templar lost interest in them as he turned his attention back to the mage he had left stroking himself on the floor. "You better not come, boy. I haven't given you permission for that yet." 

Solona watched the hem of the first enchanter's robe as she followed right behind him. She doesn't dare look at either Daire or Tanith. Solona had been the butt of enough of their jokes in that past that she was well aware of the smirks and significant looks the two would be sharing at her expense. 

"Now, out here," the first enchanter was saying, "are rooms for individual pleasures. You may be ordered to one at any time by any templar." Solona raised her eyes to look and saw that there were four separate areas, but there weren't doors on any of the entrances. In the first one they passed, she could see a red-headed male tied spread-eagle to a bed. He was blindfolded and gagged. On top of him was a woman that Solona assumed was one of the female templars, judging by her muscular build. She had her head thrown back, and she was riding the man's body with enthusiasm. A stream of vile words left her lips as she continued to pump herself up and down on the captured body below her. Solona looked away, not wanting to know who the mage was. Her curiosity was at an all-time low by this point. 

The next two rooms were empty. Coming from the last room, she could hear someone moaning and the slap of flesh on flesh. Solona really didn't want to look, but she seemed unable not to do so. Instead of a bed, the last room had a low platform, and on it was an elven male on his hands and knees. All she could see was that he had dark hair as his face was hidden by the pelvis of the man whose cock was shoved into his mouth. The templar was older, judging by the gray in his hair, and he hadn't even bothered to strip off his clothes. The laces of his breeches were open and they were pushed partway down his thighs. His hands were gripping both sides of the mage's head. Judging by the look on his face, the templar seemed lost in the pleasure that was being provided to him. 

There was another man in the room as well. He was behind the kneeling man and was buried in the mage's bottom with his hands planted firmly at the mage's hips. The mage was passive between the two templars with no control of the rhythm as he rebounded between the templar fucking his mouth and the one riding his arse. 

Solona watched for a moment almost hypnotized. Growing up in the tower, one couldn't help but be exposed to sexuality at an early age, but she had never seen anything like the sight in front of her. Solona was on the shy side and had never chosen to participate in the shenanigans of some of the other apprentices. She heard a titter behind her and that broke her fascination with the scene. She whipped her head around to see Tanith smirking at her. Tanith whispered a few words to Daire, and then they both started laughing. Solona flushed and then turned her attention back to the first enchanter. She realized he had never stopped walking, and she hurried to catch up with him.

The hallway they had been following gave out to a single large room. It was unoccupied, but it was another that seemed crazily decorated to Solona. There were several couches and low benches along with tables of varying heights. Every surface was covered in either rugs or thick hangings. 

"This room is used for group activities," said the first enchanter.

"You mean orgies," Daire said with a grin.

The first enchanter sighed. "Yes, I suppose I do."

He kept walking heading for the next smaller room which seemed to be full of hanging attire, but nothing that Solona had ever seen anyone in the tower wear. There was even what she swore was a pirate outfit and a dress fit for a noble lady. 

"This room is pretty self-explanatory. A templar may wish you to wear something besides the short robe, which is the standard attire while you are here." 

Tanith ran her hand along some of the outfits as if trying to figure out exactly which ones she wished to put on.

The next room was even larger and full of pieces of furniture that Solona had no idea what they were for. There was a box with two openings, one that looked like a person would lie down with their head inside and their face exposed. Set into one wall was what looked like two long pieces of lumbar that crossed one another. There were hooks set into it at various places. In another area were hanging all sorts of paddles and whips. There were also collars, gags, and various other ropes and chains lay out on a table below. Solona shuddered as she hurried past. She couldn't image what went on here. 

The first enchanter turned to look at them as he spoke in a very serious tone. "In the other areas, regardless of what it looks like, there are actually safety procedures that you will learn about before you beginning serving. This room, however, is a little different. No mage can be forced to serve here. It's strictly for volunteers. I would caution you to be careful before agreeing to do so until you have an idea of exactly what occurs and then decide if you are willing to participate in such activities."

The first enchanter's stride was quick as he moved them along. Solona was right at his heels as Daire and Tanith lagged behind taking their time in looking around and whispering to each other. 

As they walked into the next area, there was a young woman seated on a wooden bench. She looked up at them, and Solona could easily read the misery on her face before the other mage rearranged her expression. She was dressed in one of the see-through robes and stood quickly when Solona and the first enchanter came through the door.

"First Enchanter," she said in a quiet tone and bowed her head slightly.

"It's Sharon, right?" Irving asked kindly.

"Yes, First Enchanter."

Sharon had gone through her Harrowing two years ago. She seemed to have changed much since Solona had last seen her. She remembered Sharon as a laughing apprentice with a touch of mischievousness always evident in her bearing. 

"I have to go. Excuse me, please." Sharon pushed her way past them and Solona watched her leave. Her gaze then turned to the first enchanter. He was watching Sharon walk away from them with an expression of sadness in his eyes. 

Seeing her observe him, he spoke very softly so that only she could hear. "Some people adjust to this life better than others." His eyes went from her to Tanith and Daire who were now giggling at something they had been whispering about. 

Solona felt sorry for Sharon who was obviously miserable, but she couldn't help worrying about what this all would mean for her personally and how she would feel in a year or so if this became her life. 

The first enchanter raised his voice, and for the first time Solona detected a hint of sharpness in his tone. "Come along, you two."

He then waited for the other apprentices to join them before he continued speaking. "This room is where you may change out of your robes and don the standard uniform before heading out to the main area for your shift. There are also areas where you may store things while you are here, although I wouldn't leave anything valuable unattended." 

The first enchanter continued on to a nondescript door. He reached into his belt pouch and pulled out a key. "Watch yourselves. These steps are rather narrow."

The three apprentices followed him as they went up and up and up. With the stairs turning in front of her, Solona lost track of how high they climbed. As they progressed higher, the air lost its warmth and became cold. The chill seemed to emanate from the very walls of the tower itself. After what seemed a long time, they reached a small platform with another locked door. The first enchanter pushed the same key in the lock and swung the door open. 

What hit Solona first was the smell. Body odor and onions were the primary components, but she thought she caught a whiff of sewer stench as well. As she entered the large open area she saw a group of people huddled around a small heating stone at the other end. The large area was bare of decoration or furniture although Solona could see what appeared to be piles of ragtag material that evidently were sleeping areas along the walls. Everyone turned to look at them except for the mage who was generating the heating spell on the stone as they approached. 

A familiar figure moved through the others with a defiant posture. "Irving." Her tone was a challenge. 

"Hello, Wynne." To Solona, the first enchanter just sounded tired.

"Come to gawk at us like we were some kind of animals, have you?" Wynne turned her eyes from the first enchanter to the three apprentices and swept them with a gaze that made Solona want to melt through the floor. "Isn't it bad enough the templars pen us up here?"

The first enchanter gave what sounded like a long-suffering sigh. "You know you are free to return to the lower floor at any time. You served your time, Wynne. Greagoir would not gainsay you."

"Don't remind me, Irving. I've learned from my mistakes as I've gotten older. You know what the templars do to us is wrong. I can't believe you condone their actions."

"You know I find no satisfaction in forcing this decision on our young people, but I happen to believe the alternative is worse. We've been over this many times in the past, and I'm not arguing the rights and wrongs with you now. I'm just here to show these apprentices their choices." 

With his words, Wynne's attention returned to the three of them. "I assume Irving has shown you the serving rooms." Wynne gave a little sniff as she said last two words as if a bad odor had crossed her path. "I certainly hope you don't decide to become templar whores. This is a harder path, but at least you still have your self-respect."

"Wynne," said the first enchanter with a warning tone. 

Solona threw a look at Daire and Tanith. For once they both looked as uncomfortable as Solona felt. She sidled closer to them, subconsciously not wanting to leave the safety of the group. Solona had a hard time believing the woman in front of her was the same one she had admired so much for her healing abilities. Solona had never seen Senior Enchanter Wynne with a hair out of place or in anything less than immaculate robes. Now her hair was oily and falling out of her normal bun. Her robes looked as if they had been slept in… repeatedly, and even standing some distance away, her odor reached Solona. She realized now why the senior enchanter didn't have an apprentice and only gave guest lectures instead of teaching her own courses. The knight-commander must only allow her down to the lower floors on certain occasions. 

The first enchanter looked at the three of them huddled together and seemed to realize they had seen enough. "Come along now. It's time for us to return."

Solona hurried after him as a chant broke out seemingly spontaneously among these mages behind them. "Don't be whores! Don't be whores!"

The first enchanter quickly opened the door and rushed them through. As he shut the door and locked it, Solona could still hear the chanting from within. 

Daire and Tanith hurried down the stairs ahead of her and the first enchanter. Solona was quiet as she considered the reality of what her life would be from here on out. How could she make a choice between two such awful options? 

"Are you all right, Solona?" The first enchanter's voice was so kind she almost wanted to cry.

She gave him a weak smile as she tried to stop the tears that were threatening to form in the corners of her eyes. "I think I'm just a little overwhelmed."

"I'm sorry such a choice is forced upon you, but I must do what is best for everyone. The safety and happiness of the younger children must come first. I hope you can understand that." 

In a way, Solona could. The younger apprentices were treated almost as pets by the older mages and seldom denied much as long as their desires were within what was allowed by the Chantry. Even the templars made allowances for their youth, and the high spirits the apprentices showed were often subdued gently. Solona had been mostly happy growing up, and she hadn't realized the price the harrowed mages paid to gain the apprentices those few years of as much normalcy as could be expected for a mage child. Now it was her turn to secure that future for the younger children.

"I'm trying, First Enchanter."

"You are a good girl, and I think one day you will make an excellent instructor. I'm looking forward to welcoming you as a full mage of the Circle."

Again, Solona felt the moisture building up in the corner of her eyes. She hadn't realized the first enchanter knew that much about her, much less that he thought so highly of her. "Thank you." She bit her lip and blinked her eyes rapidly behind the lenses of her glasses as she tried to hide her tears.

They went down a flight of stairs in silence before Solona felt in control of herself again. She asked rather timidly, "Can't you do anything for them?"

The first enchanter shook his head. "I wish I could. I've been trying to find a way to get Wynne out of the tower for years now. There are rumors that the king will be calling for mages to join the army. If that does happen, I hope that the majority of those upstairs will choose to volunteer." 

"I see."

At this point Solona and the first enchanter reached the bottom of the stairs where Daire and Tanith were waiting for the first enchanter to open the door. Once again, he pulled the key from his robe. After they were through and the lock secured, he asked them to return to his office with him.

Everyone was silent as they made their way back to First Enchanter Irving's office. The first enchanter walked around his desk and sat back down, so the three apprentices sat in the chairs they occupied before. 

The first enchanter leaned his arms on the desk before speaking once again. "Now, in all fairness, I must tell you there is a third option. I don't recommend this, but since it is a choice I feel obligated to tell you about it." The first enchanter paused before continuing on, and his gaze landed on each of them. "You may also choose to service just one templar, who then becomes your protector. You do not have to endure the serving rooms."

Solona perked up a bit. That sounded better than what she had seen upstairs.

"Here's why I don't recommend that option. It can be a very uneven relationship with the templar having all the power. You live in quarters that are assigned to him or her in the templar's living area, and you are at your templar's beck and call whenever they want you. Your templar can refuse to allow you to participate in the normal functions of the tower, such as teaching and studying, citing his or her needs. Because of the living situation and depending on your templar's demands, it can be very isolative. There have been times when a mage has been abused rather severely before I was able to intervene. 

"The templar can also withdraw their protection at any time, and you must then immediately decide whether to join the mages in the top of the tower or take up general service upstairs. Remember that you will only be expected to spend a few hours a day in the serving rooms. Other than that, your time is your own, and you will never be approached by a templar outside of the serving rooms. Also, it is usually the first few years that are the worst if you choose service. There are always new apprentices being harrowed, and generally by the time you are thirty or so, your service is done. However, you retain the right to live on the mage's floor for the rest of your life. If you do decide to seek a templar's protection, be _very_ certain of the templar you are entrusting yourself to." 

Solona felt a shiver run down her backbone. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea after all. 

After that, the first enchanter reminded them that they could not tell any of the other apprentices the information they had been given and dismissed them back to their classes.

Tanith and Daire took off chatting together as soon as they exited the office, and Solona walked slowly back to the apprentice quarters on her own as she tried to get a grip on all she had learned. 

Over the next few days, it was strange that everything could seem so much the same and yet be so different. Knowing the decision that was looming in her future, Solona thought about her choices in the times she had alone, leaning first toward one option and then another. 

Solona's days passed much as they always had until three nights later when the templars came for her and escorted her to the harrowing chamber.


	2. Cullen

Cullen woke early as was his habit even though he had gotten little sleep after Solona's Harrowing was over. He was relieved she had passed so easily, but he had never doubted her. Cullen was well aware of Solona's excellence when it came to control of her magic. He rose from his bunk, dressed as quietly as he could in his armor so as not to wake those sleeping around him, and then hurriedly made his way to the apprentice quarters. The past two years he had volunteered for the early morning shift ever since he realized that Solona purposely rose early to take a long bath before any of the other apprentices were stirring. He knew about the peephole that many of his templar fellows looked through to leer at those in the baths. He couldn't stand the idea of someone else taking advantage of Solona that way. Cullen had never—not once—in the intervening two years observed her in her bath. It was enough for him to stand at the door and hear her contented humming and the splashing of the water as she moved about in the tub. 

He took up his position barely in time. He heard the swish of her robes before he saw her come into view. Cullen hadn't been sure if Solona would be awake to keep to her normal routine on her last day in the apprentice quarters. He had been trying not to think that their special morning time was at an end and that tomorrow she wouldn't be there. 

Cullen watched her as she approached. There was such an aura of dejection around Solona. She walked like an old woman, and her eyes were red from crying. It pained him that she wasn't excited at passing her Harrowing and instead was obviously suffering. This should be a happy day for her as she took her place as a full mage of the Circle, and even though the fact of the choice she had to make was out of his control, Cullen felt a small stab of guilt just because he was a templar. Normally, she would greet him as she made her way into the baths, but today Solona walked right past him like he wasn't even there. 

Before he consciously realized his intent, he heard himself say, "Good morning."

Solona gave a small startle before she turned toward him, and then her eyes widened. She didn't speak, however, but just continued to stare at him.

Cullen became more uncomfortable as the silence stretched on. Finally, he cleared his throat and shifted his feet. That seemed to break whatever thoughts were running through Solona's head as her eyes dropped and a faint flush appeared on her cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Cullen. I'm not myself this morning." Her voice was quieter than normal and perhaps a trifle hoarse from crying. 

He cursed the impulse that had made him speak first. What did he say to that? "It's fine. I just wanted to…" _I just wanted to talk to you one last time before you go and tell you how I wish I could gather you up, take you far away from here, and keep you safe._ Cullen swallowed loudly at the thought. 

Of course, Solona wasn't leaving the tower and Cullen assumed he would catch glimpses of her here and there at various times in the future, but it would be different. These past years he had stood guard over her every day and she had seemed to not mind having him there, but that was all about to change. He would have his duty here in the apprentice quarters, and she would have her new life as a harrowed mage. 

Solona paused for a few moments as if waiting for him to continue his sentence. When he didn't speak, she did. "I have to report to the first enchanter's office first thing this morning. I'd better get a move on."

Cullen's heart sank. "Guess so," he said, trying to infuse more cheerfulness into his voice than he felt. 

Solona smiled weakly at him before heading toward the baths. 

Cullen listened as Solona entered the other room, but the normal sounds of her moving around and preparing her bath were absent. It was quiet, and Cullen wondered what she was doing. He had tried to avoid thinking about what her being a full mage meant, but he felt a pain in his chest as he knew all too well the decision that was hanging over her head. Cullen had never been up in the heights of the tower where the mages who chose not to serve lived, but he had heard their living conditions described. Try as he might he couldn't see Solona choosing that environment, and he certainly didn't want to have to picture her there. As much as he _hated_ the thought of his templar brothers pawing her in the serving rooms upstairs, he didn't have any doubt that is what she would choose. Cullen just wished he could somehow make it easier for her. 

As a curious, newly ordained templar, he had gone to the serving rooms when he first came to the tower, but Cullen avoided the place now. He had seen what happened to the mages there after a few months. It stole every bit of their innocence and gave them all a hardened exterior. He felt an ache at the idea that Solona too would undergo that metamorphosis and lose the shy demeanor and sweetness that were at the core of her character. Cullen thought the whole situation was demeaning to his order and wished that some other method had been devised to help the templars retain their control in their daily duties. 

Finally, he heard her draw her bath and the soft sounds of water sloshing, but today there was no humming or singing. Solona was quiet in her ablutions. After what seemed a long time, she exited the baths carrying her night robes and soap and such in her arms. Solona looked better than she had when she went in. Her hair was neatly combed and her face freshly scrubbed. Her eyes were less red. She wasn't wearing her glasses this morning and that made her look even younger. 

Normally, she flashed him a quick smile and an offhand comment before heading back to her bunk in the dormitory, but today she stopped and looked directly at him.

"Can I talk to you for a minute, Cullen?"

"Ssssssure." Damn his stutter anyway. Cullen had had a mild stutter since he was young, but he had been working hard on training it away. Nowadays, it seemed to only manifest around Solona, and he was grateful she always acted as if she didn't notice and never commented when he would stutter in front of her. 

Solona's eyes dropped away from his, and he saw her lips draw down into a small frown.

As the silence dragged on, Cullen cleared his throat and concentrated on speaking clearly. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

Her eyes darted up to his and then away as if she was nervous about what she was going to say. "Will you come visit me in the serving rooms?"

"N-No!" He recoiled back into the wall he was standing in front of, and his armor clanked against the stone. Embarrassed at the strength of his reaction, Cullen quickly said, "I don't go there. I've always thought that being a templar was something good and honorable. What goes on in those rooms diminishes all of us—" Cullen cut himself off with a shake of his head as he realized he was dangerously close to criticizing his order to a mage. 

Although he would never admit it to anyone, in the dark of night lying in his bed, he had thought about how once she had passed her Harrowing he _could_ go to the serving rooms and touch and be touched by Solona just as in the dreams he'd had about her for years, but Cullen didn't want her that way. If he was going to have a woman, he wanted it to be as equals and because she wanted it as much as he did. 

"Have you ever gone?" 

Cullen was a little surprised that Solona would question him about a personal matter. He had felt a companionable comfort when standing guard over her, but they had never really traded confidences before. However, it never crossed his mind not to be honest with her. 

"Twice," he admitted. "Right after I first came to the tower." Cullen looked off past Solona as the discomfort he felt at discussing the subject with her made him hope she wouldn't press for any more details. 

"What happened?"

Well, there went that hope. Cullen really didn't want to tell her the details so he made his explanation as short and concise as he could. "Let's just say that I prefer to spend my free time more productively than forcing myself on someone who has no real choice in accepting my attentions." 

"Oh." Solona seemed surprised. A small smile crossed her lips, and she looked at him with an intensity Cullen didn't understand, almost as if she was measuring him. "I'm glad to hear that really."

Again, Cullen wasn't sure what he should say, so he elected for silence. 

Her eyes continued to hold his as she spoke again. "The first enchanter did mention there was another alternative, something about a single templar and protection…" Her voice trailed off, but she didn't stop looking at him. 

Very few mages elected to place themselves into a templar's power, and Cullen had forgotten that was an option as he had spent a lot of his time lately torturing himself with images of others touching her in the serving rooms. As her words sank in, however, he stiffened, and his heart began pounding so hard he thought she could probably hear it. Surely, she didn't mean what it sounded like. Not able to believe that Solona was hinting at possibly placing herself under his protection, Cullen wet his lips nervously before he cautiously said, "Is that what you are thinking about? Going the protection route instead of serving upstairs?"

"Maybe, but only for the right templar.'

Her steady regard of him was becoming unnerving, but Cullen couldn't resist questioning her further. He had to know. With his heart in his throat, he asked, "W-Who's the right templar?"

A small smile quirked up the corners of her mouth before Solona replied. "I would have thought that would be obvious. I was thinking it was you."

Cullen closed his eyes in relief, and his armor once again clanked against the stone wall behind him as he sagged against it. He couldn't have stood it if she had been thinking of someone else. 

"I thought—you always seemed… Never mind, it was a stupid idea." Solona stumbled all over herself trying to backpedal.

Cullen, realizing she had misunderstood his reaction, opened his eyes and pushed himself away from the wall. "It's not stupid. I'm just a little surprised that's all." Cullen's thoughts raced as he considered Solona's suggestion. _This means we will be sharing quarters and that means sharing a bed_ … Cullen pulled his mind away from the brink of that implication. He wasn't ready to go there yet. He looked into Solona's face and saw that she was still watching him. "You do understand what this entails, don't you?"

Solona's gaze slipped away from him then and a faint color came into her cheeks. "The first enchanter explained it fairly thoroughly. I'll stay with you, and you have first claim on my time and… my body." Solona's voice was barely above a whisper by the time she finished speaking. 

Cullen closed the small distance that separated them and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Look at me, Solona." He wanted to make sure she understood just how serious he was. She slowly raised her eyes until they met his. "I don't want it to be like that between us. I offer you my protection with no strings attached as long as you want it, but your life and your choices are your own. I promise not to demand more from you than you are willing to give and that I'll always respect you. I'm honored you'd even consider the idea."

Solona was so close to him that he could easily see her eyes widen in surprise. "Thank you, Cullen." She swallowed before continuing. "That's very generous of you."

At the sudden realization of how close he was to actually holding her, Cullen's awkwardness returned. He dropped his hands from Solona's shoulders as if he had been burned and backed away from her.

A weighty silence followed, and Cullen didn't know what to say to restore that sense of companionable comfort that usually existed between the two of them. 

Finally, he resorted to asking her, "Are you really sure this is what you want?" 

Solona had been looking somewhere off past his shoulder, but she returned her eyes to his face before she answered him. "Yes." Cullen could see by her expression that she had made up her mind.

"In that case," Cullen pulled his gauntlets off and held them out to her, "would you hold these for me, please?" 

Solona looked a little confused but took the gauntlets from him willingly enough. Cullen reached under the edges of his armor around his neck and grasped the chain he had worn since the day he had taken his templar vows. He pulled it up over his head. 

"This will probably be a little big for you, but here, you need to wear this."

"What is it?" Solona asked.

"The day we take our vows to the Chantry, we are presented with these amulets with our name engraved on them. See?" Cullen had dropped his hands down in front of him and laid the amulet itself across his palm to show her. "You need to wear this all the time. You can wear it under your robe if you like, especially when you are around the apprentices, but if any templar bothers you, then you pull it out, show this, and tell them you are under my protection."

"All right,” Solona said and bowed her head so he could slip it around her neck. 

Cullen held his breath until the amulet lay against Solona's chest, and then he let it out in a rush. Now, she was safe. As far as the other templars were concerned, Solona was his and not liable to their demands. He couldn't help the thrill that went through him at seeing her wearing his amulet, and he smiled at her as he took his gauntlets back. Her eyes met his once again, and Cullen couldn't look away from her. The connection he had always felt with her flared, and he felt as if his whole body was tingling. Cullen managed to wrench his eyes away, took a deep breath, and consciously stepped away from her. 

"Well, I guess I had better let you get to your meeting with the first enchanter, and I need to see about requesting quarters for us." Using the term us to mean the two of them caused some fluttering in Cullen's stomach, but he continued speaking, "I'll meet you in the library after I get off duty and see the quartermaster, if that's okay?" Cullen tacked the last part on awkwardly, but he didn't want it to sound like he was trying to order her around. 

"All right, I'm not sure what the first enchanter has in store for me for the rest of the day, but I'll see you in the library later."

Cullen watched Solona as she walked away from him and just for a moment he let a grin break out on his face. In his wildest dreams, he could never have imagined this scenario occurring. 

At his first opportunity, Cullen went to see his superior to put in the requisition for new quarters. Knight-Lieutenant Barris had lifted his eyebrows in surprise but hadn't made any comments. He had agreed to send the request on to the quartermaster so Cullen could see him after his duty shift was over.

The rest of his day passed in a blur. An apprentice could have turned into an abomination right in front of him, and he might not have noticed. His mind was full of Solona and what this would mean for the future. Finally, his relief arrived, and Cullen was free of duty. 

When he arrived at the quartermaster's office, Cullen was told that the knight-commander wanted to see him. As he made his way through the hallways, his stomach tied itself in knots as nervousness overtook him. Cullen had never been called in front of Knight-Commander Greagoir before. Why would the knight-commander want to see him for a straightforward request for new quarters? 

Cullen had a short wait before his superior was free, and then he was ushered into Knight-Commander Greagoir's office. When Cullen entered, he walked up and stood sharply at attention in front of the desk. The knight-commander was absorbed in a sheet of vellum that was on the desk. Cullen stood patiently for a few minutes until the man lifted his eyes. 

"At ease, Ser Cullen."

"Yes, ser." Cullen placed his hands behind his back and spread his feet so he stood comfortably. He then waited to hear just why he had been ordered to the office. 

The knight-commander sat back in his chair, resting his elbows on the arms and then his chin on his hands. "So, I hear that you have offered our newest mage your protection."

"That's correct, ser."

"I see. And I assume you are set on this course?"

Cullen felt as if he had been punched in the stomach. Was the knight-commander going to interfere and refuse to allow him to protect Solona? "Yes, ser. I am."

The knight-commander didn't reply, but he pushed his chair back and rose. He walked over to the window that was in the wall behind his desk. It wasn't very large, but it gave the knight-commander a view across Lake Calenhad to the settlement surrounding the docks on the mainland. It was also the only window Cullen had seen in the tower that didn't have bars on it. With the force of old habit, the knight-commander fell into an at ease stance, the same position that Cullen stood in, and looked out with his back to Cullen.

Cullen continued to wait patiently for the knight-commander to speak.

"If it was any other of my young templars, I wouldn't interfere. That fact that it is you, however, concerns me."

Cullen felt a flare of indignation, but he knew he wouldn't help himself if he lost control of his temper. He was careful to speak as evenly as he could. "May I ask why, ser? Why do I concern you?"

The knight-commander turned away from the window to face him before replying. "It's because you aren't like the others, Cullen. Instead of spending all your free time in the serving rooms, you are more likely to be found praying in the chantry or practicing on the training ground."

Cullen swallowed as a chill passed down his spine. He hadn't realized the knight-commander kept such close tabs on those under his command.

The knight-commander wasn't done speaking, however. "I also know that over the years you've developed a sort of friendship with Amell, and that’s why I've called you here. You are on a slippery path, and I would hate to see such a promising career cut short."

"Are you ordering me to withdrawn my protection from Mage Amell, Knight-Commander?"

The knight-commander looked him fully in the eyes, and it took everything Cullen had to meet his gaze levelly as the aura of command the knight-commander exuded influenced him. After a few heartbeats, the knight-commander released Cullen from his scrutiny as he turned his body sideways to lean a shoulder against the wall and crossed his arms over his breastplate. "To be honest, I considered it, but no. As per our traditions, it is your right to offer as it is hers to accept." 

Cullen felt the knot in his chest and belly release at the knight-commander's words as he realized he would be allowed to keep his promise to protect Solona. 

The knight-commander turned his head so his gaze once again returned to Cullen's, and this time there was an intensity there that hadn't been a moment before. "I just want to make sure you understand what you are getting yourself into. You may think this girl is different from the other mages, but you can't forget what she is. That hasn't changed and never will no matter how much you might wish to make it so. The day may still come when you will have to show her the mercy of your sword. You can never lose sight of that fact. "

Cullen blanched at the thought, but he knew that what the knight-commander said was only the truth. Solona was and always would be a mage and hence a beacon to the demons of the Fade. 

"I also wanted you to know I'll be watching. There will be no faltering in your duty. If it becomes apparent to me that you have lost your perspective, I won't hesitate to issue the order for you to break the bond between this mage and yourself. Are we clear?"

Cullen felt a wave of guilt as he knew that today he had been distracted by the thoughts of Solona. He wouldn't have reacted as quickly as needed if something had happened on his watch. "I understand, Knight-Commander."

The knight-commander left his place by the window and returned to his desk. He shuffled through the papers on the surface before pulling one out and offering it to Cullen. "Take this to the quartermaster. Your request is approved. You are dismissed."

Cullen went back to attention and then took the sheet from his commander. "Yes, ser. Thank you." Once he had his approved request in his hand, he turned and began to make his way to the door."

"Oh, and Cullen," the knight-commander said. 

Cullen turned back to face him.

"Do the both of you a favor and make sure you don't get her pregnant. Even if the father is a templar, a mage's child is still the property of the Chantry." A look almost of pain crossed the knight-commander's face then and his voice was quieter. "It's not easy on anyone after nine long months to give up a child without even getting to see it." 

Cullen wondered at the story behind the knight-commander's comment, but he didn't dare to ask. "Yes, ser."

As Cullen made his way back to the quartermaster's office, his mood had deflated quite a bit, and he felt almost drained after his encounter with the man who ruled the tower. The knight-commander had certainly given him some things to consider. Once one of the quartermaster's clerks had turned over the keys to Cullen's new quarters, Cullen left to make his way to the library to meet Solona. 

When he arrived at the library, Solona was so subdued he couldn't help wondering if she was having a change of heart or if the first enchanter had delivered his own form of warning to her. He hoped it was the second one. Even with the echo of the knight-commander's words in his ears, Cullen still found himself glad to be Solona's protector. 

With the minimum of words exchanged, they left the library, stopping by the apprentice dormitories on their way to see their new living quarters. Solona gathered her precious possessions, those things she trusted to no one but herself, and Cullen made arrangements with the Tranquil who served this floor to see that the rest of her belongings were delivered to their new place of abode. 

As they moved up the tower and entered the portion that the templars lived in, Cullen detected Solona's uneasiness as she drifted nearer to him. He couldn't really blame her. Being surrounded by the entire cadre of templars assigned to Ferelden's tower all at once probably didn't rank as very high on a mage's want list. He spoke very softly so only she could hear, "It will be okay. Just stay close to me."

Cullen exchanged a few teasing remarks with a couple of the other templars as they passed through the actual barracks where the templars bunked. Solona drew some looks, but no one said a word to her. Cullen watched her out of the corner of his eye, and he saw she was keeping her gaze down and was almost stuck to his side. He heard her breathe a sigh of relief when they passed through the main room of the barracks and entered the staircase that would take them up to the floor where their quarters were located. Cullen resolved to show her the back way to reach the stairwell. It was a longer trip down to the lower floors that way, but it avoided the main portion of the templars' living area. 

They climbed the steps and as they were passing through the door to the next level, Cullen spoke, more to fill in the silence than anything else. "This floor is really officer quarters, but they allow paired templars to stay up here as well. According to the quartermaster, there is only one other templar-mage pair in the quad section we are assigned. The farther back you go on this floor the larger the quarters get. I'm told the knight-commander's suite takes up a large portion."

Cullen turned right and they were in the first grouping of rooms. He showed Solona the bathing facilities they would share with Ser Aaron and his mage, and finally Cullen came to a stop in front of their door. He sat down the books he had been carrying for Solona, pulled the keys out of his belt pouch, and unlocked and opened the door.

Both of them looked around curiously as they entered. They had two rooms. Neither one was overly large, but since Solona and Cullen had both been living communally, having that much space all to themselves seemed extravagant. The first room had a table that could double for eating as well as studying or a work table. The second room was obviously the bedroom. There was a double bed which was stripped and needed to be made up, along with two wardrobes, a nightstand by the bed, and an armor stand. The rooms were stark with no personal touches, but Cullen thought that once he and Solona had added their own things they would be quite comfortable. 

Cullen gave her the extra key to the door and then left Solona starting to settle in while he returned to the main templar barracks to begin moving his possessions. This time the remarks were a little coarser and delivered in a teasing manner to rib him, but Cullen just laughed them off as he knew there wasn't any malice behind the comments. 

When he returned with his arms full, Solona was in the bedroom. She was putting the sheets on the bed, and when Cullen looked at her, the way she avoid his eyes told him she was uncomfortable. 

"I left you the wardrobe by the armor stand. I thought that would make more sense," she said. 

Cullen could hear the nervousness in Solona's voice as her words rushed to fill the silence between them. "That's fine." He kept his voice steady, hoping to ease some of her discomfort. 

"I found the sheets in the wardrobe so figured I'd better make up the bed." She looked away from him as she drew the blankets and quilt into place. 

He knew it was what the bed implied that was bothering her, and he wanted to soothe her as much as he could. "I can sleep in the other room, and you can have the bed," Cullen offered.

Solona straightened quickly and turned to face him. "On the floor?"

He gave a shrug. "Sure, with enough cushioning it'll be at least as comfortable as my old bed in the barracks."

Solona looked at him for a moment, but then she shook her head. "No, that's silly." She squared her shoulders as she stood a little straighter. "We're grownups. The bed is big enough for both of us to _sleep_ in," she said decisively. 

A jolt of excitement went through him with her words even though it was obvious she wasn't extending an invitation to anything beyond sleep. Cullen tried to mask his reaction as he didn't want Solona to become wary of him. "Okay, but if you decide later you would prefer not to share, just let me know." 

Cullen made two more trips to the barracks before he had everything moved up, and Solona's possessions had been delivered by the Tranquil. Once they both had arranged things to their satisfaction, he could feel the awkwardness settling between them once again. Cullen shut the bedroom door, closing her out in the other room, so he could change from his armor into his off-duty clothing of trousers and tunic. 

Once he returned to the outer room, Cullen gave Solona the choice of going to the templar dining hall for dinner or having something fetched for them. Solona, seemingly not ready to face eating with all his brothers elected to stay in their rooms. They were both subdued through their meal. Cullen tried to break through the tension between them with a few general inquiries into her day, but his efforts fell short. By the time they were done eating, they were both silent. 

After they had done a basic cleanup, it was still too early to go to sleep and the thought of sharing a bed with Solona kept butterflies flitting through his belly. Cullen's evenings were usually spent in the chantry, and he couldn't imagine what would fill his time between now and the time for bed if he stayed here. Solona was sitting at the table paging through a book while he had seated himself in a chair on the other side of the room.

Cullen stood up. "I'm going to the chantry. I think I can still make Evening Chant." He walked toward the door. 

"Cullen?" 

The hesitancy in her voice caught his attention, and he turned back to face her. "Yes?"

"Would you mind… that is, could I go with you?"

"Sure." Cullen smiled at her, and when she returned it with a timid one of her own, he felt a lightening of the strain between them.

"Let me brush my hair."

Cullen waited patiently the few minutes Solona took to get ready. He felt a warmth flood through him at the thought of sitting side by side with her in the chantry while they both sought the Maker's blessing. Along with the sweetness that was part of her nature, Cullen had always liked the fact that she had true faith in the Maker. She wasn't over the top with it either, like that one apprentice, Keili. 

For the first time that evening as he and Solona descended the floors of the tower, Cullen felt comfortable with her again. While he sat in the pew through the service attempting to soak in the sense of contentment he usually found when he attended chant, he couldn't help stealing glances at her. It seemed she had let her uncertainty about the change in their relationship go as well, and the warmth in her eyes when his gaze met hers made his heart skip a beat. 

When the Chant was completed and they stood up to leave, Cullen took the opportunity to put his arm around her waist in the guise of shepherding her out toward the door, and when she accepted his touch and didn't move away immediately, his confidence grew. 

It was as they were passing through the templar barracks that the peace he and Solona had found in the chantry was shattered. 

"Well, look who it is. It seems like the rumors I've been hearing about you today are true after all." It was Braden, one of the few templars that Cullen truly couldn't stand. The two of them had never gotten along from the day Cullen had arrived at the tower. Braden was accompanied by his three sycophants, and they blocked Cullen and Solona's path. Cullen came to a halt about a step in front of Solona. 

"Depends on what you've heard. What do you want, Braden?" Cullen asked.

Braden seemed to realize he had an audience, and he swaggered as he walked around Cullen. Braden raised his hand as if he would touch Solona as he spoke once again. "Hello, darling. How about you give Mr. Straight-and-Narrow here the brushoff, and you and I—"

Cullen felt a sudden boiling of emotion, a mix of anger and male possessiveness. Solona was _his_ mage, and another templar would not touch her, especially not this one. Solona was shrinking away from Braden but not fast enough to avoid him. Cullen took a step to the side and reached out quickly, grasping Braden's arm just before his fingers would have made contact with Solona's face. Cullen used all the strength of his arm, and Braden's movement was halted as surely as if his hand had smacked into the solid wall of Cullen's shield. Cullen spoke softly but with a warning laced through his tone. "I'd think very hard about your next move."

Braden glanced around quickly, but then his attention focused back on Cullen. "My, my, does it turn out there is some heat in your blood after all, Cullen? Come on, be a sport and share her around." 

Braden made to withdraw from Cullen's grasp, and since he was moving away from Solona, Cullen let him go. He then purposefully placed himself between Braden and Solona before replying to the other man's taunts. "Her service was offered to me freely. Just because no mage wants to take the risk of being at your disposal doesn't mean I have to share mine."

A sneer crossed Braden's face before he spoke again. "I don't need your whore anyway. There are plenty more to choose from upstairs."

Cullen saw red. Normally, he refused to engage and just let Braden's sarcastic remarks go. He wasn't as generous, however, when it came to an insult to Solona. "You will not speak of her that way." 

As he was drawing his arm back, a new authoritative voice rang out. "Ser Cullen, enough!" It was Knight-Sergeant Elren. 

Cullen really, really wanted to plant his fist in Braden's face, but he took a deep breath, lowered his arm, and stepped back toward Solona, who seemed to be trying very hard to be invisible. 

"Now, just what is going on here?" Elren was the senior man who lived in the communal barracks, and it was his job to keep order.

Cullen hadn't realized it until now, but their altercation had gathered an audience. 

"It was Braden's fault, Knight-Sergeant. He was purposefully provoking Cullen." The speaker was Andrew, a templar Cullen was friendly with. 

Cullen turned to the knight-sergeant and said formally, "I offer challenge to Ser Braden." Meeting on the training field was the approved way for the templars to resolve conflicts and work out the frustrations that naturally occurred when so many people lived so closely together. 

Elren raised an eyebrow but turned to Braden, who was glaring at Andrew. "Do you accept, Ser Braden?"

Cullen looked at Braden and he could see the uneasiness in Braden's eyes. Braden knew he was trapped and had little choice but to agree or he would lose face in front of those around them. Braden's sword work was weak, and Cullen expected to best him easily. Braden had grown bold over the previous years since Cullen had never called him out on any of his nasty little comments before. Cullen had preferred to just ignore the man, but Braden had seriously miscalculated when he had insulted Solona in front of Cullen. 

"Yes, fine," Braden snapped, his tone indicating his displeasure.

"Then the two of you will report to me tomorrow morning after breakfast at the training grounds, and this will be settled then. I will adjust your duty schedules accordingly," Elren said. 

"I'll be there, Knight-Sergeant," Cullen said with a feeling of anticipation. After all the times he had turned away from Braden's insults, it felt good to know tomorrow he would finally cross blades with the other man.

"Let's break it up. Show's over. Everyone back to their business," Elren said, and the other templars began moving off as his gaze moved over the bystanders.

Cullen stood still for a moment watching Braden. It was only when he had stalked off without a backward look that Cullen turned to Solona. She was pale and looked a little shaky. He knew the smart thing to do would be to command her to follow him and stride away, especially with the knight-commander's warning, but he just couldn't do it. Instead he held out his arm for her and spoke in a low, soothing tone. "Let's go home, Solona."

Her eyes lifted to his behind the lenses of her glasses. He couldn't quite identify what he saw there before she dropped them again, but she reached out, put her arm through his, and rested her hand against his forearm. Cullen turned then and began to lead her toward the stairs that would allow them escape from the barracks. As they walked, he could feel the slight tremor in her hand in reaction to the scene they had just been involved with. 

Once they had passed into the stairwell and were out of the sight of anyone else, Cullen placed his other hand over hers as he tried to reassure her. "It's all right."

Solona pulled away and then turned to face him. "And just what about this situation do you find 'all right' may I ask?" Solona's words were delivered in an icy tone, and her glare pinned him in place. 

It took Cullen a moment to understand what was going on. He had assumed she had been afraid, but he realized he had misread her entirely. Solona was angry. Unfortunately, he spoke before thinking, "Wa-wa-wait a minute. What are you mad at me for? I didn't do anything."

Solona put both hands on her hips before answering him. "Really, Cullen, I would have thought you could have found a better way out of this than a fight." Her voice dripped with sarcasm and was laced with a trace of disappointment. 

Cullen was distracted as her challenging pose made him want to push her against the wall and kiss her breathless until the defiance left her body and she melted against him. Disturbed by just how willing he was to follow through on that idea, Cullen ran a hand through his hair. "What else was I supposed to do? Let him insult you? If I let him get away with it once, he'll only get worse. Braden's had it in for me since I first met him."

Solona gave a slight sniff and crossed her arms under her breasts. 

Cullen spoke again. "Besides if I show I'm willing to back up a demand that you be treated with respect, it's more likely to prevent anyone else harassing you even if I'm not around."

"I've never had any trouble with any templar before. Why should that change now?"

Cullen couldn't believe his ears. Didn't she realize what passing the Harrowing meant? He drew in a deep breath as he tried to remain calm and reason with her. "You aren't an apprentice anymore, Solona. The only reason you are off limits to any templar who wants you is because I've claimed you, and that claim only lasts as long as I show I'm willing to defend it. I couldn't let Braden get away with what he tried to pull tonight without others thinking they could do the same thing." 

Cullen stopped for a breath. Solona had drawn herself up, and her eyes had narrowed behind her glasses. Thankfully, she seemed to be really listening to what he was saying. With a feeling that he might regret this much honesty, he continued on, hoping she wouldn't hate him before he was through. "As much as you mages may like to sidestep the fact, the power in the tower lies with the templars. That's the undeniable truth, and there are some who won't hesitate to take advantage of that. I need you to trust that I'm strong enough to keep you safe. Please, Solona, let me do my job as your protector and don't fight me on this." 

Cullen didn't add how much he enjoyed the fact that it was now his place to look out for her. Solona was much more of a peacemaker than a fighter. She tended to just want everyone to get along, and he had felt that she had been taken advantage of in the past because of that. Cullen had a strong protective instinct; it was one reason why he was such a good templar. Being able to direct that instinct to one specific person, especially since it was Solona, made him feel needed. 

She deflated a little, and Cullen was relieved to see her anger melt away. "And what if he hurts you?" Solona's tone was almost plaintive, and her eyes widened before she whirled away from him. 

Cullen stood there stunned for a moment as a warm feeling blossomed in his chest. "You're worried about me," he said in wonder. 

"Yes—no—I mean," Solona paused before throwing her hands up in the air. "Men!" With a sound of disgust, she began to climb the steps.

Cullen stood watching her with a small smile curving his lips as he savored the discovery he'd just made. As Solona began to outdistance him, Cullen sprang into motion taking the stairs two at a time until he drew abreast of her. Her eyes were firmly glued in front of her, but he saw her shoot a glance at him as they continued up the steps side by side. 

When Solona spoke again, her tone didn't give much away, but she still avoided looking directly at him. "Can you beat him?" she asked. 

Cullen stopped and turned toward her. "Look at me, please."

At that point, Solona was on the step above him. She pivoted slowly and seemed reluctant to face him. Their gazes met and held, and for a moment Cullen felt as if time stopped as their eyes said things to each other that neither would yet dare to say out loud. Then he reached out and laid his fingertips against her cheek. He heard Solona's sharp inhale, and his heart beat faster.

"With one hand tied behind my back," Cullen promised her as he marveled at the softness of the skin beneath his fingers. "I'm not so imprudent as to challenge someone more skilled than I am."

"Oh," she said, rather breathlessly.

The soft expression in her green eyes and the closeness of their positions made him bold. He began to lean toward her, and then there was a slam of a door, the sounds of footsteps on the stairs, and voices in the stairwell. 

Cullen drew back as a wave of disappointment washed through him. Solona smiled at him almost shyly before turning and starting to run up the stairs. Cullen followed more slowly as he took the opportunity to admire Solona from behind. Now that he was paying attention, he could hear the swish of her robes with each gentle sway of her hips. 

His mind turned to the night ahead as he continued to watch the woman in front of him. Cullen had promised her that she was under no obligation to him, but he wasn't sure how he would handle lying in bed with the temptation of Solona right beside him and knowing all he had to do was reach out to touch her. Cullen thought it highly likely he wouldn't get a wink of sleep. The one thing he was certain of, however, was that all the discipline that had been drilled into him over the years would surely be put to the test.


	3. Cullen

Cullen lay motionless on his back, staring upward into the dark. He had followed Solona from the stairwell to their rooms. Once there, he had asked her if she was sure she still wanted to share the bed with him. She had answered in the affirmative, and they had begun their preparations for the night. Solona had gone to the bathing facilities first. Cullen had selected an old shirt and a loose pair of trousers to sleep in before he left their rooms to attend to his toilet after she had returned. By the time he was done and back, Solona was in bed with the covers drawn up to her chin. She had left him the side of the bed with the nightstand, and he had crawled in beside her before covering the mage light that she had left glowing on the stand. They had both wished the other a good night's sleep and then silence had descended on the room.

Cullen lay still, afraid to move for fear of disturbing Solona. There was a tension in his body that he couldn't seem to relax no matter how hard he tried. He could feel Solona's presence beside him, and he was trying really hard to think of anything besides what it would be like to roll on his side, scoop her into his arms, and pull her against him. 

The minutes continued to tick away, and Cullen wasn't any closer to sleep. As another vivid daydream played through his head, he gave a very soft sigh.

"Cullen, are you awake?" Solona's voice was a whisper in the dark.

"Yes." Even though it was only the two of them there, the night seemed to be made for quiet, and Cullen's voice wasn't any louder than hers.

Cullen heard her stir, and then he jumped as something thumped into his chest. It took him a moment to realize it was Solona's hand. She moved it up toward his face as her fingers ghosted over him and came to rest against his lips. 

"Sssolona?" He wasn't sure what she was doing, and his uncertainty had him stuttering again. Cullen felt the bed shift under him as she moved, and then the next thing he knew, she was above him and her lips were pressed to his.

Cullen lay unmoving for a moment, surprised that Solona would kiss him, but then instinct took over as he softened his mouth against hers. He brought his hands up to frame her face and his breath quickened as she seemed to melt against his chest. Cullen opened his lips, and she followed suit as he sent his tongue questing into her mouth. 

The taste of her exploded across Cullen's senses and his entire body reacted. It was a heady sensation as what he tasted and absorbed from her was not unlike his daily lyrium dose, only stronger and more powerful. Cullen gave a groan deep in his throat as raw, unrefined mana from the Fade entered his body. Without conscious thought, he rolled her over so she lay under him without losing contact with her lips. Cullen deepened their kiss even more and fed from the depths of Solona's mouth, plundering the sweetness and spice that intoxicated him. Solona's arms wrapped around him, pulling him even closer, and Cullen's control was shattered by the combination of the ecstasy of his addiction and the fact that it was Solona, the woman he had spent years longing for, who lay so willingly beneath him. 

The next thing Cullen realized he was lying between her legs grinding his erection against her pelvis. Guilt and shame at the way he was taking advantage of the situation flashed through his mind, and with panting breath, shaking hands, and an ache of thwarted desire, Cullen pushed himself forcefully away from her. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed, sitting up, and capturing his head in his hands. 

"Cullen?" Solona's voice was breathy and full of uncertainty. "What's wrong?"

Cullen didn't reply at first as he tried to process exactly what had happened in the past few minutes as his fingers rubbed his scalp through his short hair. He had never heard any kind of talk from his templar brothers about an experience like he had just had. It had to be the lyrium that was stored in his body from his daily exposure that caused such an intense reaction. Having never kissed another mage, Cullen wondered if it was the same with them all or if it was something unique to Solona. 

"Cullen?" Her voice came to him again out of the dark.

He lifted his head and reached up to the nightstand to unhood the light as he wasn't sure he could withstand the temptation of her in the dark. His body was already offering plenty of insistence that he should just lie back down and continue where they had left off. 

Cullen spoke without turning around. "I'm sorry, Solona. This is my fault. I shouldn't have reacted that way after my promise to you." Cullen started to stand up. "I'll spend the rest of the night in the other room."

He froze as he felt her hand come to rest lightly against his arm. "Don't go. Please."

Cullen took a deep breath before allowing himself to drop back down onto the mattress. He knew staying was a bad idea, but the pleading tone in her voice combined with her touch made it almost impossible for him to leave.

He couldn't look at Solona. The shame of how quickly he was willing to break his promise to her made his stomach clench in knots. "Solona, I told you this wasn't necessary. Regardless of the situation, you are under no obligation to me. We don't have to be… intimate for me to protect you." Cullen's eyes remained on his hands in his lap where he was rubbing his fingertips together. He tried to keep the tension out of the arm her small hand still rested against, but his whole body was aware of just how close she was and that Solona was _still touching_ him. 

"You think I'm just trying to pay some sort of debt? I'm not sure whether to be insulted or not." There was a tone in her voice that Cullen had never heard from her before. 

Cullen turned his head to look at Solona as he began to answer her, but whatever he was going to say slipped right from his mind. Solona was stretched out across the bed on her stomach with her weight on an elbow and her other hand on his arm. As he gazed down into her upturned face, Cullen felt his groin tighten once again. She was flushed and her light brown hair was mussed from where his fingers had run through it. Her lips were slightly swollen from the force of his kisses, but it was her eyes that made the pulse point in his throat begin to pound. Her pupils were dilated, and Cullen could see desire present in her expression. At the realization that Solona wanted _him_ , he felt a rush of adrenaline surge through his body. 

With Cullen's heart tripping merrily along at an increased rate, he gave her one last chance to refuse him. "Are you sure you don't want me to leave? I won't be able to keep my promise if I stay." The only thing worse than not ever getting to hold her in his arms would be for them to be together and Solona to regret it afterwards. 

Solona pushed herself up to her knees and then rested back against her heels before she answered him. There was a trace of frustration in her voice as she said, "Yes, I want you to stay. I don't care about that promise. In fact, I release you from it." Her face took on an uncertain expression, and her eyes went to her lap. Cullen watched her curiously for a few moments as he wondered what she was thinking. When she spoke, her voice took on a subdued quality. "I've never done this before. I want you to be first." 

_Oh, Maker_. Cullen was both thrilled and terrified by her words. There was no small sense of satisfaction in knowing that he would be the first to touch her intimately. He could count the number of women he had been with on one hand and have fingers to spare, but none of them had been virgin. Cullen had spent plenty of hours picturing Solona with the male apprentices when he was standing duty. He was happy to learn he had tormented himself for nothing, but it also made him afraid he wouldn't be able to make it good for her. It had been years since he'd had an encounter with anyone other than his own hand, but Cullen was determined to make the experience as enjoyable for Solona as he could. 

Cullen turned himself around on the bed and climbed to his knees so they faced one another. He cupped her chin lightly in his hand as he brought his forehead to hers. There were so many things he could say to that, but Cullen kept it simple. "I would like that. I'd like it very much." He closed his eyes for just a moment as the realization that one of his most secret dreams was going to come true sent a wave of happiness flooding through him. 

He then opened his eyes, dropped his hand from her face, and backed away from her some. Cullen watched her face as he reached for the hem of his shirt and then pulled it up and over his head before dropping it off the bed behind him. Her eyes widened a little bit as she took in his bare chest and torso. Cullen moved slowly as he leaned toward her, giving her the chance to shrink away from him if she wished. Solona didn't move, however. Her eyes stayed locked to his and when he came close to her, she raised herself off her heels. 

Cullen very carefully placed his mouth against hers in a gentle kiss. Her lips were soft and warm beneath his. They were parted, but Cullen kept his tongue in his own mouth. He was taking no chances on getting swept away again on the taste of her. One of his hands came up and cupped the side of her face, and he left the sweetness of her mouth to press feather light kisses from the corner up to her ear. 

His other arm snaked around her waist, and he felt her body begin to soften and lean toward him. When he worried the sensitive skin of her neck just below her ear with his lips and tongue, he heard her give a gasp as her body jerked in reaction. She tilted her head to increase his access. 

"Cullen." His name was a soft whisper from her lips, and he left her neck to claim her mouth again. He kissed her deeply this time, and knowing what was coming, Cullen braced himself for the impact of her mana hitting his senses. Every nerve in his body responded as his tongue began a complicated dance with Solona's. Cullen held to his control with a firm hand, refusing to lose mastery of himself but enjoying the sensations that ran through his whole body.

Not wanting to push past his limits, Cullin broke away from the temptation of Solona's lips and gathered her against him. His breath raced as he took a moment to settle himself. He felt the light, almost timid touch of Solona's hands against the bare skin of his back as she put her arms around him, and Cullen was unable to hold back the groan he emitted at finally feeling her touch him. 

Solona's head was pressed against his chest, but then she pushed back to look up at him. "I don't know what to do. Tell me how to make you feel good."

A small smile crossed Cullen's face at her words. He was glad she was willing to participate and didn't seem scared of what lay ahead of them. "First off, let's get more comfortable." With the knowledge that Solona returned his interest, Cullen felt much more confident than he normally did around her. 

Cullen took one of her hands as he moved himself back toward the head of the bed and then let her go to prop some of the pillows up behind him so he could recline in a semi-recumbent position. Solona knelt at his left side as she had inched her way across the bed as he had drawn her after him. Cullen grasped her hand again and brought it to his chest. "Touch me."

Her fingers were warm as she just lightly rested them against him. Cullen watched as she grew a little bolder and began stroking his upper chest. His skin developed goose bumps as her fingertips slid against him. When her other hand joined her first on his chest, Cullen let his eyelids drift closed for a moment as he savored the sensation. Solona increased the contact between them by using her whole hands to massage him instead of just her fingertips. When she lightly squeezed his nipples, his body moved reflexively, and his breath caught as pleasure spread outward from her touch. Solona's eyes turned to his, and Cullen smiled up at her encouragingly before he stretched out his left arm and wrapped it lightly around her waist. 

As Solona continued to stroke him, Cullen looked up at her face while Solona's attention was focused on watching her hands move against him. She seemed as enthralled with the sight as he was with the feeling of her touching him. She dropped her hands lower, allowing her fingers to trace the planes of his abdomen, and Cullen felt her hesitate as she arrived close to his belly button. Not wanting embarrassment or uncertainty to get in the way of Solona's willingness to explore, Cullen drew his arm back from around her and reached down with both hands to undo the laces of his trousers. He lifted his hips from the bed just enough to push his trousers and smalls down. He then drew his legs up in the air and pulled his left leg out of the trousers before lying it back down, moving his right leg off the bed, and pushing his clothes to the floor. 

Cullen stretched out both legs and lay back totally nude before Solona. He felt a little uncomfortable being naked when she wasn't, but Cullen wasn't so oblivious that he wasn't aware he had a reasonably nice body. When he looked at her, Solona didn't seem to know where to rest her eyes. He could see them darting toward his groin and then away, and her face had developed a decided blush. Cullen reached out toward her, hoping he hadn't moved too fast and scared her. "Come up here," he said with just a touch of a growl in his voice as he reached to pull her close to him. 

She seemed to move willingly enough, and he wrapped her in his arms as she lay against his side with her head on his chest. Cullen was careful to stay on his back so he wasn't pressing against her in his aroused state. He rested his cheek against the softness of Solona's hair. Cullen stroked along her back through the thick nightgown she wore, and all he wanted to do was take it off her and feel her skin beneath his hands. Schooling himself to patience, Cullen told himself to just be happy he had Solona's scent in his nose and her soft warmth against him. After a few minutes of her lying passively in his arms, he began to worry that he had rushed things and ruined the chance for them to be together. "It's not too late. If you've changed your mind, I can—"

He felt Solona shake her head against his chest. "I haven't changed my mind. It's…" She seemed to be searching for the words to describe what she wanted to say. "I don't remember much from before I was brought to the tower, so I don't have any memories of being held like this before. It's nice."

Cullen let out the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. It wouldn't have been easy to back away from her now, but if that was what she had wanted, Cullen would have done so. He turned his head so he could press a kiss against her crown. "You're right, it is nice." Although his body was insisting that it definitely had more in mind than chastely cuddling her the rest of the night. He stroked her hair softly before tipping her head up and kissing her once again. Solona's lips were pliant and warm beneath his, and Cullen took the time to enjoy the feelings the kiss invoked in him. 

Cullen felt Solona's fingers begin moving against the skin of his chest again, and when her lips left his to kiss down across his neck and chest, he gave a rumble of approval from deep in his throat. Cullen laid his head back and shut his eyes letting Solona take control for the moment. He felt his cock expand to its full length as the feel of her hands and lips stoked the desire that had been simmering since she first kissed him. 

Solona moved lower, her hands leading the way as she almost petted the light coating of hair that covered his chest and tapered down to his groin. When she gave his upper abdomen an open-mouthed kiss and began to trace patterns with her tongue, he gasped audibly as only his firm grip on his control kept him from bucking his hips off the bed. 

Cullen squeezed his eyes tight as his felt Solona's exploration descend lower and her fingertips lightly touched the head of his penis. His fingers twisted in the bedding at his sides as he fought his body's inclinations and to stay passive beneath Solona's questing hands. It had been so long since anyone had touched him that Cullen wasn't sure he would be able to last as long as he would like. As her fingers crept down his shaft, Cullen could hear himself panting, and it felt like his heart would beat right out of his chest. As she neared his base, Cullen opened his legs a little wider. When Solona's hand slipped around to cup his balls, her name slipped from his lips.

"Is this right? Does it feel good?"

Cullen opened his eyes and looked down to see Solona studying him. He had seen that expression on her face many times as she grappled with some new fact or magic that she was trying to understand and conquer.

"It feels wonderful," he admitted. Cullen then took her hand in his to show her exactly how he liked to be touched. When she took up the rhythm on her own, Cullen let his hand fall away from hers and his eyes drifted shut once again as pleasure spread throughout his body. 

The next thing Cullen felt was the warmth of her mouth as she drew him inside it. Caught by surprise, Cullen's eyes flew open, but he couldn't completely stop the instinctive jerk of his hips. "Solona!"

She raised herself and drew away from him. "Was that wrong?" Her eyebrows were drawn together in a worried expression and a slight frown turned the corners of her mouth downward. 

Cullen pushed himself up into a sitting position before answering her. "No, it wasn't wrong, but I certainly wasn't expecting it." He reached out and rested his fingers against the side of her face. He couldn't seem to stop touching her. A note of curiosity entered his voice. "Where did you learn that anyway?"

Solona's eyes danced away from his, and Cullen saw a blush rise up into her cheeks. "Oh, well. Today in the serving rooms, there was this templar… and he certainly seemed to be enjoying it."

Cullen swallowed the laughter that threatened to burst from his throat, but he couldn't stop the smile. "I'll just bet he was." He dropped his hand and then shook his head as a warm, fuzzy feeling suffused him. Life with Solona would never be dull. 

She glanced up at him and away again. Not wanting her to be self-conscious or afraid to experiment, Cullen attempted an explanation. "It's not that what you were doing was wrong; in fact, it was quite the reverse. It's been a long time since I've been with anyone, and if things had continued on the way they were, I would have finished quickly." 

Cullen looked at Solona, hoping she understood what he was trying to tell her. He could have been blunter of course, but tonight, the first time they were together, he didn't want to be crude. Solona was inexperienced but not stupid, and she seemed to catch his drift. 

Changing the subject seemed like a good idea at this point, and he was dying to get his hands and mouth on her, regardless. "Besides, it's my turn." He grasped the edge of her nightgown and gave a light tug. "I think it's time for this to come off." 

Solona's smile dropped away and her expression darkened. She leaned toward him, hiding her face from him as she pressed it against his chest.

Cullen felt the tension that had descended on Solona, but he didn't know what could be bothering her. 

Her voice was quiet as she spoke. "I'll take if off if we can cover the light first."

The sense of wrongness overrode the desire he felt, and he tried to push himself back so he could look at her. Solona wasn't having any of that though and kept herself pressed against him. "Solona, what's wrong?" 

She just shook her head against his chest. "The light? Please?" 

The pleading in her voice sent alarm ringing through him, and he put both of his hands on the side of her face to hold her and then moved back so he could look into her eyes. She wouldn't hold his gaze, however, and looked at the wall behind him, but she didn't pull away from his hands. 

"Tell me, please." He tried to make his tone as unthreatening as possible. When she remained mute, he spoke once again, hoping to coax her into talking to him. "Please, Solona. If you don't tell me what's wrong, we can't fix it." He removed his hands from her face as he waited once again.

She moved away from him, putting some distance between them and dropped her chin so her hair fell forward and hid her face from his view. She spoke very quietly, and Cullen had to strain to hear what she said. "I don't want you to see me."

Again, Cullen couldn't resist the temptation to reach out to her, but he contented himself with just gently pushing the hair that had fallen into her face back behind her ear. "Why not?" he asked.

It hurt Cullen's heart to see the way her shoulders hunched and she seemed to draw into herself. He couldn't image what would drive her into such a defensive position, but his worry grew. He didn't want to push her, so he waited for her speak. Cullen just wanted to wrap her in his arms and tell her it was all right, no matter what it was that was bothering her. 

Finally, Solona moved to hood the light herself, but Cullen knew that wouldn't help matters. He reached out and grasped her arm. "No, not until you tell me what's wrong." He wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do, and he was even less sure she would listen, but she drew her arm back and Cullen let her go. 

She mumbled something a few moments later, but Cullen couldn't make out what it was. "What did you say? I can't hear you."

All of a sudden, Solona seemed almost angry and she spoke forcibly. "I said, 'I'm a fat cow, and I don't want you to see me.' Satisfied? Now can I cover up the damn light?" 

Solona again started to reach out, but Cullen snatched her up and pulled her to him. She fought him for a moment, but then calmed when she realized that all he was doing was holding her against him. Cullen had both arms wrapped around her, and he took one hand and began to stroke her hair. After years of watching Solona, he knew she wouldn't stay agitated long, so he waited. After a few minutes and once she seemed calmer, he asked very softly, "That's not really what you think is it?"

She gave a sigh against his chest. "Not really, no. It's hard sometimes when you hear it so much though," she admitted. Not having to face him seemed to have loosened her tongue somewhat.

Cullen rested his cheek against her hair in what was rapidly becoming one of his favorite places to be. "Let me guess, Tanith and her bunch?" He had broken up one or two of their harassment sessions himself, so he wasn't surprised to feel her nod her head against him. He hadn't suspected that Solona had been a target of their spitefulness, however. 

He felt insufficient to try and console her, but Cullen also didn't enjoy seeing her hurting like she was. It angered him that anyone had purposefully tried to wound her. He wanted to try and find some way to lessen that hurt for her. 

"You can't listen to them, Solona. They are just unhappy people trying to bring everyone down to their own level."

"I know." Her voice was very quiet, and she didn't sound convinced.

Cullen wracked his brain trying to come up with something else. "I think they are just jealous."

He could almost feel Solona roll her eyes even though she kept her chin tucked and her head firmly against his chest. "I'm sure that's it." He could hear the sarcasm in her voice. 

"No, I mean it. If I wanted to take something to bed that was all hard angles and sharp edges, I'd sleep with my sword before any of those girls. At least that way, I know I'd get honest cuts instead of being flayed by the words out of their mouths." 

There was no response from Solona other than a faint snort. He wasn't sure if it was in amusement or agreement, but he knew he still needed to go further. 

Cullen thought he had long since accepted the fact that the Maker and the Chantry, along with his order, would encompass his life. This strange situation he found himself in now with Solona offered him a chance for something different; however, and he was surprised how much he wanted that. Feeling as if he was exposing himself even more than he already was by sitting there naked, Cullen took a deep breath as he worked up the courage to open himself to her and continue speaking. "When I take someone to bed, I want a woman; one who is soft and has curves in all the right places, a woman who fills my arms and who I don't have to worry about crushing the first time I forget and let all my weight lie against her. I want someone who is as generous of spirit as they are of body and who can be my equal both in and out of bed. I want you, Solona." 

Solona went very still in his arms, and then she pushed herself backward so she could look up into his face. "You really don't think I'm too big?" 

Cullen returned her gaze, seeing how much Solona wanted to believe him. "I think you have a lush body that is guaranteed to pleasure any man lucky enough to be allowed to share it."

Solona's eyes widened and then she lunged for him, resting her head against his chest and squeezing him tightly. She didn't move fast enough that Cullen missed the glint of tears in her eyes, however. 

He wrapped himself around her once again and dropped his head so his lips were near her ear. "I would really like to be able to see you, Solona, but if you still truly want the light covered, then I'll hood it right now."

She didn't move or speak, and Cullen waited for her response, barely breathing. After what seemed like forever, she pushed herself away from him and lifted her head so that she could look him in the face. Their gazes met and locked, and Cullen could feel the racing of his heart as they stared into each other's eyes. 

Solona reached up and placed her fingertips softly against his cheek. He closed his eyelids as she ran her fingers down and then over his lips, just grazing the skin of his face as she moved. Cullen's cock stirred and began to come fully erect again. There was no way he could hide his reaction to her touch, so he didn't even try. 

When her hand fell away, Cullen kept his eyes closed for a few moments as he savored being this close to Solona. When he opened them, she was in the process of removing her nightgown. Cullen heard a swooshing sound in his ears as his blood began to surge through his veins in reaction to the sight. He held his breath as his eyes followed the rise of the hem. First, her full hips came into view and then her rounded belly. He swallowed as the material continued upward and the mounds of her breasts were revealed. Cullen began to sweat and he clenched his fists as he wanted nothing more than to touch her. He was afraid if he moved she would stop, however, so he forced himself to hold his position. Her arms rose as she pulled the nightgown over her head, and then she dropped them, allowing the material to fall away. The only thing she still wore was his amulet. 

Solona wouldn't look directly at him, but she kept giving him darting glances as she seemed to be trying to gauge his response. Cullen didn't try to disguise his admiration and let it show in his eyes. He leaned toward her and brought his mouth to her ear so he could whisper to her. "You're even more beautiful than I thought you would be."

Any resistance left in Solona's body disappeared at his words, and she collapsed against him. Cullen wrapped his arms around her once again and drew her even deeper into his embrace. He then lay back on the bed with Solona cuddled beside him. Cullen fought the inevitable surge of lust that followed the feeling of the soft suppleness of her body molding against the solidness of his muscled frame.

When Cullen had lain with other women in the past, he had been ill at ease, feeling awkward and as if his hands fumbled over his partners' bodies. He felt none of that now. Being with Solona seemed the most natural thing in the world, and as he dropped his head to capture her lips with his, Cullen felt a sense of power and joy combined as he knew that she wanted this as much as he did. 

There had been plenty of talking tonight, but now that was over. It was time for touching and sharing of a different type. Just as Solona had explored his body earlier, he was more than eager to discover her secrets, and Cullen planned to be very, very thorough in his investigations. 

Cullen had one arm underneath her, but he brought his other hand up to caress her cheek and then let his fingers glide downward over her skin. He left the warmth of her mouth as he trailed soft, wet kisses down to her neck. Cullen felt her body respond as she pressed herself tighter against him and tilted her head back. He could also feel the slight pressure as she stroked across his back, and those light touches helped to flame his desire. His hand descended across her collar bone, and Cullen ran his fingertips down the outside of her breast before coming to the underside. He lifted the firm globe with his hand and felt his body response to the sensation of her overfilling his palm. Cullen lightly ran his thumb over her nipple and heard her gasp at the unexpected circling motion of his digit. The tip hardened and elongated under his touch, and he then rolled it gently between his fingers. 

Cullen pushed her to her back on the bed and adjusted his position so his upper body was above her. He then allowed his lips to descend the path his fingers had travelled just moments before. As he replaced them with his mouth at her breast, he looked up at her. Solona had her head rolled back and her body was straining toward his. Seeing such an uninhibited look on her face sent another wave of desire through him, and he returned his attention to his task. His lips enclosed the rosy peak of her breast, and at the first gentle suck he gave against her, Solona gave a low moan. Her hands came around from his back to tangle in his hair, but they were passive as Cullen realized she was too wrapped up in the unfamiliar sensations he was causing to do more than hold on to him. He moved from one breast to the other, laving her nipples with tongue and lips as he sought to inflame her passion. 

As his mouth remained busy at her breast, Cullen let the fingertips of his right hand glide against her skin. He marveled at the softness as he descended over the swell of her belly and arrived at her groin. He rested his hand on her hip and then released the taut tip of her nipple from his lips.

"Feel good?" he asked in a soft voice.

He was answered by the movement of her body under his touch as well as her breathless, "Yes."

"Good." He returned his attention to her breast as he sent his hand questing between her legs. He felt her hesitate before she spread them for him, and Cullen reminded himself to be patient and gentle with the woman lying so trusting underneath him. 

Cullen carefully parted the outer lips that protected those most delicate parts of her. He was surprised by the wetness that coated his fingers as he delved deeper between her folds. He took his time as he caressed and stroked, paying attention to her body's reactions so he could learn what would please Solona the most. When he finally drew near to the small bundle of nerves that was the center of her pleasure and brushed lightly against it, Solona's hips left the bed and she gasped in surprise. 

He drew back from the enticing breasts that had been occupying his lips and tongue. He watched her face for a few moments as he touched _here_ and then _there_. Unwilling to contain his own desires anymore, Cullen leaned back close to her and placed his mouth against the skin of her belly. His tongue teased all the fine hairs around her belly button, and he felt her quake in reaction to his touch. He continued lower, needing to know the taste of her. Solona hips thrust forward in reaction when he licked up the slit of her body, and Cullen lost himself for a few moments as the taste of her filled his mouth. Once again, he could detect a trace of mana in the subtle blend of her secretions, and he had to forcibly restrain himself from being too eager in his attentions. With a show of willpower that impressed himself, Cullen left the wetness of her opening, and again his lips followed his fingers so that he could cautiously lick and suck at her clitoris. When he took her gently in his mouth and applied a rhythm pattern of suction against that delicate bud, her entire body convulsed. 

"Cullen!"

He didn't give her a chance to regroup but increased the pressure and speed, seeking her pleasure. Her fingers wrapped in his hair and this time he could feel her pull against the strands, but Cullen never stopped the work of his tongue and lips. His fingers thrust shallowly inside her as he tried to prepare her for the larger intrusion that would come later. Her body began to writhe under his touch as she gave into the sensations Cullen was creating and lost some of her inhibitions. His name became a litany as she repeated it over and over. Solona's fingers tightened even more in his hair and she dragged his head up. Her eyes met his, and the look in them sent heat through his entire body. There was uncertainty there as he expected to see, but also desire hot enough to burn. "Cullen." Even her voice was different, husky, with a pleading note. "I want… I need..." Her inexperience and shyness may have limited her vocabulary, but Cullen had no difficulty understanding what she was asking.

He adjusted his position on the bed again so he could draw her back into his arms. With a tender touch to the side of her face, he replied, "Yes, sweetheart. We're going to take care of that right now."

Cullen settled himself over her, but then he stopped. He could feel Solona's impatience as her hands grasped at him. Her body rubbed against his, and her warm breath caused the skin of his neck to prickle. Cullen's body throbbed with want and almost screamed with the need to bury itself deep inside her, but still he hesitated.

As the seconds ticked by and he didn't move, Solona asked, "What's wrong?"

Feeling like an idiot, Cullen told her. "I don't want to hurt you." No matter how gentle he tried to be, he _would_ hurt her. There was no avoiding that fact. 

Solona pushed lightly against his chest, and Cullen moved away from her. She looked directly in his face before she spoke. "I know it will hurt, but I want to know what it is to be a woman. I want to feel you inside me."

"I want that too," he admitted.

Again, their gazes locked and Cullen was breathless from her declaration and the look he saw in her eyes. He leaned down to kiss her once again and pressed his mouth to hers reverently and chastely, trying to show her without words how much he cared for her. Her lips were pliant under his, and she didn't try to deepen the kiss. However, Cullen could feel the movement of her body against his.

He lifted his head and adjusted himself so he was positioned directly over her. With his weight on one elbow and his knees, he reached down between his legs and grasped his hardened shaft. Cullen placed himself at her entrance, and the warmth and wetness that covered just the tip of him was enough to start to challenge his control. 

"Tilt your hips up." He almost didn't recognize his own voice as anticipation and desire coarsened and deepened his tone, but Solona did as he asked. 

Taking a deep breath, Cullen pressed slowly but firmly into her in shallow strokes. He bit his lower lip as the sensations of tight, wet, and warm had him wanting to impale her as he drove inside her body. Cullen made himself go slowly and ease his way into Solona until he felt the barrier of her virginity. With a stronger thrust of his hips, he forced himself past that membrane. He heard Solona's sharp intake of breath and her arms squeezed him tight. Cullen closed his eyes and panted lightly as he remained still. He wanted to give Solona time to adjust to him and to let the pain pass. When her grip started to ease, he began to kiss the side of her face, her ear, her neck as he murmured sweet nothings between each press of his lips. He lifted one of her breasts with a hand and contorted himself so he could gently nuzzle her nipple without withdrawing from her body. Solona began to make the most adorable sounds he had ever heard under his touch, and as Cullen felt her begin to respond, he rocked his hips in slow, short strokes, sinking ever deeper into her inviting warmth. 

When he was finally sheathed completely inside her, Cullen groaned as the sensation of her encasing all of him was almost too intensely pleasurable to bear. Not forgetting that this was Solona's first time, he paused. "Are you all right?" he asked.

She reached up to touch his cheek tenderly, and a warm feeling suffused Cullen as he saw the soft expression in her eyes. "I'm more than all right," she said. 

Afraid he would say something stupid and ruin the moment between them, Cullen settled for kissing her again. It began sweetly but quickly turned more passionate. He began to move then, cautiously at first as he was still a little afraid of hurting her. When her legs wrapped around his hips and her body clenched against his, Cullen's control began to slip. Not able to help himself, he increased the speed of his thrusts into her body. He worked his fingers into her hair as he continued to kiss her. Cullen lost his battle for restraint as the mana from her kiss and the sensation of her body accepting him severed the last vestiges of his templar discipline. He broke their kiss as his eyes rolled shut and his head lifted. Anticipation roiled through him and every muscle in his body tightened. He was sweating heavily now, but the sleek wetness only made his and Solona's skin rub against each other that much more smoothly. Cullen couldn't have stopped now even if he tried, and as he stroked in and out of her one, two, three more times, the pleasure was so sharp it was almost painful. 

"Solona…" Cullen lost track of what he was going to say as he trembled on the brink of ecstasy. With one more strong thrust, Cullen's world came apart around him as his body pumped its release deep inside of her.

Cullen came back to himself slowly as his heart calmed and his breath returned. He opened his eyes and was pleased to see her looking at him with a small smile on her face. He was sure he gave her a foolish grin in return, but in that moment Cullen was too happy to care. He gathered her against him before rolling over and pulling her into his chest, and her head seemed to fall naturally into the hollow of his shoulder. Cullen had no intention of stifling the impulse that soon had his hands roaming across her at will. Solona continued to lie quietly in his arms, and when he felt her give his chest a light kiss he didn't think he could contain his happiness. 

He squeezed her tighter and pressed his lips to the crown of her head. "I'm sorry, Solona."

"Whatever for?" 

"I got carried away there at the end. A gentleman shouldn't end a dance without his lady."

Cullen was surprised at her reaction as she laughed a light-hearted, almost giggling sound that he had never heard her make. Cullen realized he would do all sorts of silly things just to hear it again. "What's so funny?"

It took her a moment to recover. "That's just such, such a… Cullen thing for you to say." And then she was off laughing again.

He chuckled himself, slightly embarrassed but more because she was laughing so hard. "Well regardless of the phrasing, give me a few minutes and I promise I'll do better." 

With his initial desire relieved, Cullen would be much more able to focus on Solona, and he intended to make her pleasure paramount the next time. Cullen could only assume that Solona agreed as she reached up and began to softly kiss his neck. As he felt the stirring of his body, he thought he might not even have to wait those few minutes he had asked for. 

Cullen turned out to be right. The next time was better. As he heard Solona's cries and felt her convulse spasmodically around him as she gave into her own pleasure, his desire ran rampant once again. Instead of allowing her to collapse and savor the aftereffects of her orgasm, Cullen was relentless, reigniting her body's passion until she was begging for him once again. As their bodies grew more attuned to one another and their own individual rhythms turned into a single driving beat, Cullen almost wasn't aware of where his body ended and Solona's began. It seemed only natural that they should both reach satisfaction together, their vocalizations mingling just as their bodies were wrapped around each other. 

Sometime later, Cullen lay holding a dozing Solona against him. He was tired but felt strangely euphoric. He had expected to be conflicted with his duty to the templars warring with his feelings for Solona, but as he had lain in a postcoital haze his body still intertwined with Solona's, an epiphany had overcome him. He still would watch over and protect the apprentices as was required of him, but Cullen now had a more personal and intimate duty to perform. He had often thought that it was desperation and unhappiness that caused a mage to give into a demon's influence. Cullen vowed to find a way to make Solona happy so that no demon would be able to gain a foothold against her will. 

He felt another burst of warmth in his chest as he thought Andraste couldn't help but approve. Somehow over the centuries, fear and intimidation had become the templars' main weapons as they used them to corral and control the mages in the various Circles. Cullen would walk another path. He would use love freely offered to bolster Solona's will and his arms as a place of shelter when she needed one. 

When he had stood over Solona at her Harrowing trying to disguise the shaking of his hands from the other templars around him, Cullen hadn't been able to admit to himself how he felt about Solona. But these hours with her since had forced him to confront the emotions that had only been growing stronger these past months. He could acknowledge now that he loved Solona. Cullen wished he could proclaim his feelings for Solona, but if he wanted to keep her with him, he would have to be careful and not let anyone, especially any of his fellow templars, realize the true relationship between Solona and him. Cullen hated the fact that as long as he appeared to be just using her for service that he would be allowed and even encouraged to keep her with him, but if the knight-commander ever caught wind of anything more than that going on between them then they would be torn apart. As much as that kind of deceit went against his basic makeup, Cullen was willing to do almost anything to keep Solona safe and as part of his life.

He had wanted to tell her how he felt earlier that night when he was swept away by the sense of sharing and downright joy that had occurred when he came within her, but somehow Cullen had managed to contain those impulses. It was too early for him to declare himself. Solona liked him and seemed to respect him, but she didn't love him. Cullen could accept that for now. He would protect and watch over Solona and hold her in his arms every night, and if the Maker willed it, then she would grow to return his feelings. Here in the unchanging routine of the mage tower, Cullen had nothing but time.


	4. Epilogue

The next day, Cullen thoroughly decimated Braden on the training grounds. After that, there weren't many willing to dare raise his ire, and Solona was left alone by the other templars. As the weeks passed, Solona and Cullen fell into a routine. She left their quarters each morning for the mage floor where she was able to research to her heart's content, and when First Enchanter Irving asked her to start assisting with teaching the younger children, Solona's days were full. Cullen still had his daily duties on the lower floor of the tower, and keeping the knight-commander's warning in mind, he was careful not to allow his daydreams to interfere with his responsibilities to the apprentices. When their paths did cross during the day, Cullen and Solona were cool toward each other, but their quarters became their own private world. It was a place where they were free to explore and discover each other, and Cullen's happiness was made complete the night that Solona whispered in his ear that she loved him. 

Life wasn't easy in Fereldan's tower for a mage and a templar who dared to love each other, but for Cullen and Solona the opportunity to be together made it all worthwhile.


End file.
